The New Girl
by distantorigin
Summary: (COMPLETED) The new girl in town has caught Josh's eye. But it seems as though Drake's the one who caught her's.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: **I am not in any way affiliated with Nickelodeon and _The Drake and Josh Show_ except for my being an obsessed fan. I'm not making any money out of this, but really, the fact that the show got me inspired to write is fulfilling enough. Although, I still wouldn't mind receiving money. Who would?

**Author's Note:** This is my very first _The Drake and Josh Show_ fanfic, and I'm really hoping you like it. This was posted before in The Amanda Show section, but since there's now a Drake & Josh section, I decided to re-upload it. Anyway, it has a different last line from the first one.

I decided to write it in script format since the flow is like that of an episode of the series. You may even find traces of the episodes "Believe me, Brother" and "First Crush" in it, but I assure you it's different from that.

I don't know the correct format for sitcom scripts though so I'm making this like that of a one-act play.

Since that is the format, there wouldn't be too much explanations here on who the characters are, etc. It's not too complicated but you'd surely understand it better if you've already seen an episode of the series.

Anyway, hope you like it, and I'm really looking forward to reading your reviews. I sure hope you leave some! Thanks very much!

* * *

**Josh: **I don't know why people still can't believe Drake and I are step-brothers.

**Drake: **It's so easy to deny that Josh and I are step-brothers.

**Josh: **I mean, we have plenty in common.

**Drake: **We have nothing in common.

**Josh: **We both play videogames.

**Drake: **He hates junk food.

**Josh: **We both like sports.

**Drake: **He likes school.

**Josh: **And we're both great with the ladies.

**Drake: **Girls hate him.

**Josh: **I even think we're starting to look alike.

**Drake: **And I'm so much better-looking than he is.

**Josh: **I'm pretty sure people will start believing sometime soon that we're related.

**Drake: **It's gonna be a loooong time before anyone believes we're related.

* * *

**THE NEW GIRL**

**

* * *

**

**Scene 1**

In the high school. Josh has just come out of a classroom with a bunch of people and is talking to a girl named Paula.

**Paula**:So Josh, what grade did you get on your essay?

**Josh**:Oh, I got an A. Mr. Coulson even said that he liked my essay so much he might send it to _The Post _newsletter. What about you?

**Paula**: Well, he didn't say anything about a newsletter, but I got an A, too. And it's all because you helped me. Thanks so much!

**Josh**: It's nothing.

**Paula**: I mean it, you're so helpful! (_Looks at her watch_) Anyway, I have to go. See you around! (_Walks away_)

**Josh**: See 'ya! (_Waves_)

_A pretty girl named Ashley walks up to Josh and taps him on the shoulder._

**Ashley**: Excuse me, can you, uh, tell me where this room is? (_She raises a piece of paper and points at it_)

**Josh**: (_Turns around, but looks at the paper, and not at the girl_) Oh, it's right around that corner. (_Points at the end of the hall_) I can take you there if you like. (_Looks up, and seeing that the girl is pretty, suddenly seems uneasy and shifts weight from one foot to another_) Are you uh… Are you, new here? (_He holds out his hand_) I'm, uh… I'm… Jo… Josh… Yeah, I'm Josh.

**Ashley**: (_Shakes Josh's hand_) Ashley Riteman. I just moved here yesterday. It's nice to meet you, Josh.

**Josh**: Yeah, uh… Nice to meet you too. (_Stuttering_) I can take you there if you like. To the room… Around the corner… I can take you there if you like.

**Ashley**: (_Laughs_) Thanks, that'd be great.

_The two of them walk along the hall._

**Ashley**: (_Looks at Josh_) So Josh, have you always been this helpful?

**Josh**: (_Still nervous_) Well… Uh… My mom once said that I'm the most diligent worker at our house.

**Ashley**: Really. Are there a lot of workers at your house?

**Josh**: It's really just my brother and me. Because my sister Megan's still a kid so she can't really handle much.

**Ashley**: I know what you mean. I have a kid sister too and sometimes I wish she'd grow up faster so she could help me with my chores.

**Josh**: (_Muttering silently to himself_) I wish _my_ brother would.

**Ashley**: Did you say something?

**Josh**: (_Looking at her quickly_) No. I, uh, just… (_Looks around and then points at the door beside them_) This is the room you're looking for.

**Ashley**: I see, well, thanks. It was nice to meet you. (_Opens the door and walks inside_) See you around!

_The door closes._

**Josh**: (_Waves slowly with a big goofy grin on his face_) See you around.

_Drake appears and bumps Josh on the side._

**Josh**: Ow!

**Drake**: (_Crouches behind Josh_) You have to hide me Josh.

**Josh**: (_Looks behind him_) What? What are you doing?

**Drake**: (_Moves so that he's always behind Josh_) Sssshh! Rachel and Sandra are both looking for me and they don't look happy.

**Josh**: (_Sarcastically_) Gee, I wonder how that could be. (_Gives Drake a pointed look_) You went out with _both_ of 'em last night, didn't you?

**Drake**: (_Shrugs_) I told them it was a double date.

**Josh**: That's not what "double date" means, you idiot! You were supposed to have another guy take one of them out, too!

**Rachel and Sandra**: DRAKE!!

_Two girls are seen walking towards Drake and Josh. Drake tries to run, but Josh catches his sleeve and prevents him from going._

**Josh**: Oh no you don't. You should do the right thing and apologize.

**Drake**: (_Raises eyebrow at Josh_) Not when you still have time to run away.

**Josh**: Just charm them. It probably won't be as bad as you think.

_The two girls reach where they are. They both glare at Drake._

**Rachel**: Well?

**Sandra**: What do you have to say for yourself?

**Drake**: (_Looking from one girl to another_) Well… (_He looks at Josh. Josh gives him an encouraging look, and then he turns back to the girls_) You see, Josh was supposed to have taken out one of you last night, but he got caught up doing chores around the house so he, uh…

**Josh, Rachel and Sandra**: WHAT?!

**Rachel**: (_Glaring at Josh_) Why would you make plans to double date with Drake and then forget all about it?

**Sandra**: (_Glaring at Josh as well_) And how could you prioritize your _chores_ over a date with one of _us_?!

_They toss their hair and walk away angrily._

**Drake**: (_Lets out a sigh of relief_) Whew! That was close. (_Pats Josh on the back_) You know you're right. It wasn't as bad as I thought.

**

* * *

**

**Scene 2**

Still in the high school. Josh is at his locker and Ashley taps on his shoulder.

**Ashley**: Excuse me, could you tell me where the exits are?

**Josh**: (_Turns around and smiles upon seeing her_) Hey Ashley! How are you?

**Ashley**: Well, I managed to survive my first day without setting anything on fire.

**Josh**: Congratulations! Do you… (_He pauses, and looks at his shoes, uneasy_)

**Ashley**: Let's go celebrate! Know any places with food better than your cafeteria?

**Josh**: (_Nodding_) There's this batch of brownies at our house I helped my mom bake yesterday. She's great at baking things.

**Ashley**: That sounds great! I love brownies!

* * *

**Scene 3**

At the Parker-Nichols residence, in their living room.

**Josh**: (_Gestures at the sofa to Ashley_) Wait here. I'm just gonna reheat the brownies.

**Ashley**: Okay. (_Sits down as Josh goes into the kitchen. She sets her bag beside her and picks up a magazine from the table. She starts reading it._)

_The door opens and Drake walks in. Drake looks at Ashley, and then furrows his eyebrows. He looks around, puzzled._

**Drake**: Am I in the wrong house?

**Ashley**: (_Looks up and sees Drake. She smiles instantly upon seeing that he is cute._) Probably not. (_She stands up_) I'm Ashley. I'm just waiting for Josh. You must be his brother. (_She offers her hand_)

**Drake**: (_Shakes her hand, but raises an eyebrow_) Drake Parker, nice to meet you. Did you say you were waiting for _Josh_?

**Ashley**: Yeah, why?

**Drake**: (_Looking more confused_) Are you sure _you're_ not in the wrong house?

_Ashley laughs. Josh walks into the room holding a tray with a plateful of brownies and two glasses of juice._

**Josh**: See you two have met.

**Drake**: (_Walks towards Josh_) See you read my mind. (_Takes the plate from the tray_)

**Josh**: No Drake! That's for Ashley!

**Drake**: (_Looking as if he'd known all along_) I know! I was just making it easier for her. (_Turns around and offers the plate to Ashley_) Would you like one?

**Ashley**: I'd love one. (_Takes a brownie from the plate and takes a bite_)

**Josh**: Do you like it?

**Ashley**: It's delicious.

**Drake and Josh**: Thanks. (_Josh looks at Drake, confused_)

**Drake**: (_Beaming_) My mom made it. And people always say I take after her side.

_Ashley smiles. Josh frowns._

**Josh**: Uh, Drake, don't you want to get yourself some juice? (_Nods his head towards the kitchen_)

**Drake**: Oh, sure. (_Puts the plate of brownies back on the tray Josh is holding and takes one of the glasses from it_)

**Josh**: (_Annoyed_) I meant if you'd like to go to the kitchen and fix yourself your _own_ glass.

**Drake**: (_Drinks from the glass_) No thanks, I'm good.

**Josh**: (_Gritting his teeth_) Just get in the kitchen, will you? (_Turns to Ashley_) We'll be right back.

_Josh ushers Drake into the kitchen._

**

* * *

**

**Scene 4**

Inside the Parker-Nichols kitchen.

**Josh**: Listen Drake, I really like Ashley.

**Drake**: So do I, she's terrific.

**Josh**: That's exactly it. She's the first girl I've ever really liked, I don't think I'll be able to take you dating her.

**Drake**: Who says I'm dating her?

**Josh**: You mean, you're not planning on asking her out?

**Drake**: No. I was just trying to be nice. Anyway, she's here for _you_, isn't she?

**Josh**: (_Face breaks into a silly smile_) Yeah. (_In a dreamy voice, with a dazed expression on face_) She is, isn't she?

**Drake**: Right. (_Takes the plate of brownies. Josh doesn't notice because of his trance._) I'm going upstairs.

**Josh**: (_Still in a trance_) Yeah…

_Drake walks out and Josh returns to the living room, still holding the tray._

**Ashley**: Hey Josh, where's Drake?

**Josh**: (_Smiling_) Drake went upstairs.

**Ashley**: I see. (_Looks at the tray Josh is holding_) Where are the brownies?

_Josh looks down at the tray, and smirks as he realizes he's just been had._


	2. Scenes 5 to 9

**Scene 5**

The next day at the high school. Drake is at his locker taking out his books. He is wearing a denim shirt with buttons. Ashley walks up to him.

**Ashley**: Hi Drake!

**Drake**: (_Turns to look at her_) Hey, Ashley! How 'bout those brownies, huh?

**Ashley**: They were great. It was really nice of Josh to reheat another batch.

**Drake**: (_Chuckles_) Well, that's Josh for you. He's the most diligent worker at our house.

**Ashley**: So I've heard. What about you?

**Drake**: Me? Well, the truth is, I don't like working at all. You know sometimes I even wish my sister would grow up faster so she could help me with my chores. (_Laughs_)

**Ashley**: Really… (_Looks shocked, and then smiles_) That's interesting.

**

* * *

**

**Scene 6**

Still at the high school. Ashley is walking down the hall and Josh catches up with her.

**Josh**: Hey Ashley, do you maybe want to go to my house and play video games?

**Ashley**: That sounds like fun. Is Drake going to be there?

**Josh**: Uh… No. (_Furrows his eyebrows_) He's got band practice.

**Ashley**: (_Looks disappointed_) Oh. Well, you know Josh, I just remembered, my mom kinda wanted me to go home early today.

**Josh**: (_Looking suspicious_) Did she.

**Ashley**: Yeah, sorry, but I have to go. (_Walks away_)

_Josh stares after her, his face slowly forming an expression of anger._

**

* * *

**

**Scene 7**

Inside Drake and Josh's room. Josh is sitting on his bed, reading a magazine. Drake opens the door and walks in, a guitar slung over his shoulder.

**Josh**: (_Turning to Drake_) Where did _you_ come from?

**Drake**: (_Raising an eyebrow_) Shouldn't you be asking Mom and Dad that question?

**Josh**: (_Stands up angrily_) Tell me where you've been, Drake! Out on a date, weren't you?

**Drake**: No. I was practicing with the band. I told you earlier.

**Josh**: Really. Then why did Ashley bail out me the moment she found out you weren't gonna be home? What have you been telling her?

**Drake**: What? Nothing. We barely even talked.

**Josh**: (_Steps nearer Drake and points his finger at him accusingly_) But you _did _talk to her! What did you say?

**Drake**: (_Shrugs_) I don't know. Nothing important. You know me.

**Josh**: Yeah, I know you alright. I know that every time you talk to a girl you end up going out on a date with her! (_Slumps down on his bed_) Nevermind. It's not your fault you're every girl's dream come true. I don't blame Ashley for liking you more. I really should've known better than to get my hopes up about a girl who knows you too.

**Drake**: (_Looking at Josh_) Are you done pitying yourself now?

**Josh**: (_Annoyed_) There's no need to gloat, Drake. Ashley likes _you_. We all know it, stop rubbing it in our faces.

**Drake**: Okay, first of all, who's this 'we' you're referring to? And second of all, you shouldn't give up so easily. Just because I'm more attractive, I can sing and play the guitar, I'm charming, I have great hair and—

**Josh**: (_Interrupts_) Yeah?

**Drake**: (_Confused_) I forgot where I was going with that.

**Josh**: (_Sighs heavily_) Let's just face it. I'm just not popular with girls. And I never will be.

**Drake**: (_Nodding_) True.

_Josh glares at him._

**Drake**: But that doesn't mean you'll never get a date. You know what, (_pats Josh on the back_) just be yourself. That's what I do. (_He walks to the corner of the room to put away his guitar_)

**Josh**: (_Looking at Drake, but his voice is soft as he's only talking to _himself) I _was_ myself when I met Ashley. And she still liked _you_ more. (_Looks up slowly as if deep in thought_) Well, if Drake is who the girls want, Drake is who they'll get.

**

* * *

**

**Scene 8**

At the high school on the next day. Josh is walking down the hall. His hair is almost straight and parted on the side like Drake's. He's wearing a denim shirt like the one Drake was wearing the day before, and has a guitar slung over his shoulder. The people look at him as he passes and he greets them.

**Josh**: Hey, sugar! (_Winks at a girl passing_) What's up, ladies? (_Waves at a group of girls by their lockers_)

_Josh's friend Paula _(from the first scene) _walks up to him._

**Paula**: Josh, is that you?

**Josh**: Hey, Paula. How are you?

**Paula**: I'm okay. What did you do to your hair?

**Josh**: Oh, nothing. I just fixed it a little, you know, for all you ladies to admire. Do you like it?

**Paula**: It looks a lot like Drake's hair.

**Josh**: I know. Because I'm just as cool as Drake is.

**Paula**: (_Looks puzzled but just shrugs_) Yeah. Anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to go see the movie Mr. Coulson assigned us to watch for class. The one about social issues?

**Josh**: Well, I'll have to check my schedule, because you know me, I'm always out on dates.

_Ashley walks by._

**Josh**: Hey Ashley! (_She turns around and waves at him_) You have Mr. Coulson for Social Studies too, right?

**Ashley**: Yeah, why? (_She walks to where they are_)

**Josh**: Do you want to go watch the movie he's assigned us to see with us tonight?

**Paula**: Actually Josh, I was hoping you'd help me—

**Josh**: (_Interrupts_) It'll be a double date.

**Ashley**: (_Looks interested_) Is Drake coming too?

**Josh**: Nope. You both get to date _me_!

_Both girls look at him disgustedly._

**Paula**: I can't believe that's your definition of a double date.

_Several girls in the hall start to watch them. Rachel and Sandra _(from the first scene) _are included._

**Ashley**: _I_ can't believe you'd think we'd _both_ agree to date you at the same time!

**Rachel**: (_Joining in the conversation_) I'll bet you're even the one who told Drake to try and do that to us last time!

**Sandra**: Yeah, after you stood us up to do your _chores_!

_All the girls are now glaring at Josh. They start backing him against the wall._

**Paula**: I can't believe I ever thought you were helpful!

**Ashley**: Neither do I! You're nothing but a… But a… Dork!

**Rachel and Sandra**: Yeah!

**Girl from crowd**: Josh is a dork!

_Everyone shouts out their agreement. The crowd becomes _very _noisy. Drake walks by and notices the chaos._

**Drake**: (_Loudly_) Hey, ladies! Ladies!

_They all look at him._

**Drake**: What's going on?

_Everybody talks all at once. Josh fends his way through the crowd and reaches Drake._

**Josh**: (_Exasperatedly_) You have to help me, Drake! They're out to get me!

**Drake**: (_Still loudly_) Wait, wait, calm down. (_Waves his hands_) Everyone! Everyone!

_They fall silent._

**Drake**: (_Looks at Josh_) Josh, why don't you just apologize for whatever you did that upset them? I'm sure they'll understand.

**Josh**: But I didn't—(_Pauses and sighs in defeat. He turns to the girls_) I'm sorry. I was only trying to be—

**Girl from crowd**: (_Interrupts_) Drake made Josh apologize!

_Sighs and "awwww"s were heard all around. The girls move Josh out of the way and start surrounding Drake._

**Ashley**: You're so noble.

**Sandra**: And so much nicer than your brother. (_Gives Josh a dirty look_)

_They all start giving him compliments as Josh is pushed to the side. Drake triumphantly attends to his clamoring public._

**

* * *

**

**Scene 9**

In the Parker-Nichols home. Audrey is sitting at the couch, sorting out mail. Drake and Josh walk in.

**Drake's Mom Audrey**: (_Looking up at them_) So boys, how was school?

**Josh**: (_Looks at Drake angrily_) Yeah, _Drake_, how was school?

**Drake**: (_Smiling_) Great. I got dates scheduled 'til next month.

**Audrey**: That's great. What about you Josh?

**Josh**: (_Bitterly_) Me? I got nothing. No good looks, no band, no dates, no nothing.

**Audrey**: Well, there is something in the mail for you. (_Hands him an envelope_)

**Josh**: (_Takes the envelope nonchalantly and opens it_) It's probably from Grammie.

**Drake**: What's it say? (_Looks over Josh's shoulder_)

**Josh**: Wait, it's not from Grammie! It's a letter from _The Post_! (_His face breaks into a smile_)

**Drake**: (_Confused_) Office? Aren't all letters from— (_He leans closer_)

**Josh**: No! _The Post_ newsletter! They liked the essay! They're running it on next week's issue!

**Drake**: Essay? What essay?

**Josh**: The one I wrote for Mr. Coulson's class on Social Issues. He told me he might send it but he never said he actually did. And look! (_Points at the letter_) I get $150 for it! $150!

**Audrey**: That's wonderful!

**Drake**: Yeah Josh, congratulations! (_Hits Josh lightly on the back_)

**Audrey**: This calls for a celebration! (_Stands up and heads towards the kitchen_) Let me see if I can still catch Walter at the office. Maybe he can pass by the bake shop for a cake on his way home.

**Drake**: (_As soon as Audrey's out of earshot_) So Josh, about Ashley… I want you to know—

**Josh**: (_Interrupts_) You know Drake, it doesn't matter. I don't really think I want to be as popular as you anymore. So, take her out. Give her a good time. She seems to really like you.

**Drake**: You really don't mind?

**Josh**: (_Shakes his head_) Nope. Anyway, if I was always going out on dates, where would I find time to write these essays?

**

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**

**END**

8.31.2004 01:20

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**Author's Note: **Hey, thanks for reading! I really hope you liked it. Please don't forget to leave a review! And if you can, please help me. I'm having a problem with the last line (the one that Josh says, "Anyway, if I was always…"). It doesn't seem so funny, but I don't know what to change it with. I'm open to any suggestions. Thank you very much!

By the way, if you're a Harry Potter fan, please read my other fics as well. Thanks!


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